the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
