He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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