Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
