I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
