just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
