Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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