When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
