Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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