she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
