So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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