whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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