You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
