Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
