You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
