i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
