Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I could make wine with my vomit
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
