oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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