a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
