The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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