Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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