Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
