TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
