You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
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