Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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