So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
