He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
