WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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