Define "chronic" masturbator.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
