I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
