i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
