I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
