i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
