So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
