if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
