eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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