I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
