Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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