my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
