don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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