please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
