Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
