im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
