Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my shit smells like andre
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
