Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
