There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
