is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
