operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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