you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
