In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
