Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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