What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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