why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
