shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
