I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I love you.
Bad choice
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
