Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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