yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
