Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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