cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize