yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The adults are the big ones right?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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