Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
