Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
