im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
