a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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