the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
