We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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