Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
