I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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