Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Boobs speak an international language.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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