Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
