You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
cat food counts as protein by the way
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
