Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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